yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize