Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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