I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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