At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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