Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
