im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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