I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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