need another drink. this is the easiest way
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
