people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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