so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Operation Purity has been aborted
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
