The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
