Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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