someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
