Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
