For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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