Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
