I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
