i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
