doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
