mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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