Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
