Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
