hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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