Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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