I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
