i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
