I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
