I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
