i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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