She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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