I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Found the puke drawer
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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