i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
