When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
