fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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