how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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