also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
