My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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