Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
