1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
