How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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