can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
