You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
