Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize