I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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