don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
