I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
