Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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