i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
