hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize