I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
