Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
