So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
