Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Michael Bay diarrhea
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
