She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Randomize