I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
