she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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