i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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