You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
