I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
