Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
