idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
