so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
