i jhust puked up my retainher.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize