Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
