But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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