This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
