I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
