I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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