i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
