there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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