That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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