My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
