after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
