New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
