she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
